I came across a Sacramento article entitled “Facebook leaves some feeling left out.” In it, a couple people are quoted noting they experience jealousy when their friends or online acquaintances are doing fun things or hanging out with certain people.
While I definitely see how these feelings are justified, I found this fascinating because, for me, Facebook does the opposite.
Seeing peoples’ trips, etc., on Facebook makes me feel more included, both in the happenings of those peoples’ lives as well as with the places they visit. Even though I haven’t been to Disneyland myself in a couple years, I always get a kick out of seeing photos from others’ experiences there.
If someone discusses an upcoming vacation, I’ll often try to check back in a few days to check out their photos if it’s someone/somewhere that interests me. It’s pleasing to see people encounter enjoyable experiences, and I’ve seldom, to my immediate recollection, felt more excluded from someone directly as a result of not getting do something they got to do; I feel more included by getting to see it (okay, that sounds creepy, but you know what I mean).
In response to Larissa, who expressed feeling jealous that others are out being social while she’s stuck at home – not to seem insensitive, but the ball’s in her court. If she doesn’t like knowing what her peers are up to, she should steer clear of the Facebook news feed. Likewise, especially now, there’s tons of social groups — from networking, to hobbies, to common interests, etc. — to seek out and get involved in if you’re desiring a more active social life.
I definitely used to be that girl: incredibly shy, a major homebody, etc., but as I branched out, started meeting more people and attending more social functions, I found I really enjoyed it. And, as a result, I don’t feel like my life is lacking in any regards in terms of spectating others on social media.
It’s a difficult barrier to breach when you’re not sure if a new group will “welcome” you, but once you break it, the rewards are great. Several of my most endeared friends currently are ones I’d have never met had I not overcome my fear of trying new things and meeting new people.
What do you think? Do you think social media causes more exclusion or inclusion to social communities?
One of the most popular posts on my blog is “Is Facebook Making Lonely People Lonelier?”. I think seeing people’s vacation photos is one thing; obviously you can’t tag along on a vacay. But, seeing people at an outing (that you weren’t invited to) with folks who you thought were your friends, too, is quite another. That can make anyone feel excluded.
However, I agree that if you put yourself out there that the rewards are immense. The folks I’ve met online are some of my favorite people in the world. I’m constantly amazed and grateful that social media has brought so many amazing folks into my life.
Totally agree with this comment. Seeing mutual friends out together at (public) functions and realizing you were not invited can be a huge bummer.
Thanks for your feedback, Amber! I agree – there’s definitely a distinction between seeing vacation photos and not being invited to a gathering of people you know, and a different kind of response attributed to each scenario.
I just know I get together with friends frequently (some while not others) and it’s never consciously lack of desire to hang out with those not invited, but rather usually just a circumstance of whatever the gathering is. So in the same light, I’m not as personally bothered when I see friends of mine hanging out even if I’m not included.
I agree – so many great people brought into my life through social media.
Thanks for your comment, Jenny! I see how that can be bothersome. Check out the response I just posted to Amber’s comment and see if that helps. That’s how I usually perceive it when I’m not invited to things and it helps ease those feelings of exclusion. I think we all (myself included, for sure) often take things more personally than they’re really intended…